What is this I don't even.

doktorassgardian:

momo and i were talking about how maybe if you pulled up on my wheatley’s handles he’d just go all limp and floppy like a cat when you pick them up by their scruff. which would give a little bit of reasoning to some other things, like if he needed her to pick him up and stuff because he cant move and is all floppy and shit.

Floppy ragdoll Wheatley headcanon instantly accepted.

(Source: doktorengine)

fuchsiamae:

conquerorwurm submitted:

Looook look at the trailer for the DLC it has a few seconds of Cave Johnson talking vaguely about his father

It’s on my blog if you can’t find it

First thought: “Eeeeeee, hello Mr. Johnson!”

Second thought: “Farmer? Professor of farming? Shit this changes things.”

Third thought: “Wait a minute. Cave is almost as unreliable a narrator as GLaDOS. It’s entirely possibly that he is lying.”

Let’s see, what are the possibilities here…

1. A rural farmer. Not a fancy professor of farming, but a farmer who worked hard in the fields to feed his wife and son. He probably lost everything after the stock market crash because prices were driven so low. He certainly never went to college — either he never cared to send his son, making Cave get the money himself, or he worked himself to the bone trying to afford it and was furious when Cave dropped out to found Aperture. And he either died young or always disapproved of Cave’s interests in business and science. Cave, in turn, was ashamed of his humble beginnings, hence the professor story. (In this case Cave clearly didn’t grow up in Upper Michigan, since the climate is bad for agriculture, and probably only moved there to buy the salt mine. Unless his dad was a really shitty farmer, which is possible. I mean, Cave did manage to buy a salt mine in an area that chiefly produces copper.)

2. An actual professor of farming. Could have tendencies that fostered his son’s love of experimental agriculture. Plenty of knowledge of theory, but not much of practice. He encouraged his son’s interest in science, but again was furious when he dropped out of school. This possibility would give the actual rural farmer a bit of Real America glamor, making Cave romanticize that lifestyle while still regarding it as inferior to the life of an intellectual.

3. He made it all up, and his dad had nothing to do with farming. From this, though, we still get that being a professor of farming is better than being a farmer, though farming still has that Real America reputation that sells. And that whatever his father actually did either doesn’t sell or isn’t something Cave wants to talk about. 

Which is best? The second one gives the most solid reasons for Cave’s interest in science and his methods of going about it, but it feels somehow easy. I see Cave as coming from humble beginnings — unless his image as a self-made man is fabricated. He could have been more ambitious than his easygoing father, while sharing his preference for brainwork over physical labor and relying on him for extra cash. He could have gotten into college on Daddy’s coattails and dropped out against his wishes.

At the same time I really like the idea that he’s lying. I don’t hear it in his tone of voice, though. Even though lying would be the interesting choice. Urgh, Valve, why are your characterizations so hard?

EDIT: Hold on a second. He wouldn’t be a professor of farming, he’d be a professor of agriculture. Either Cave’s trying to be clever or he’s bullshitting. HMMMMM…

My initial read on it was that he was making shit up as he went. Started out with the all-American “farmer” story, realized that sounded kind of uneducated, stuck a “professor of” on there, then rambled a bit to prove he knew what he was talking about.

But I love all of your theories and any one of them works beautifully for me!

Thoughts on Headcanon

fuchsiamae:

fuchsiamae:

Or “Why I Write My Babies The Way I Write My Babies.”

I started to write a reply for Wolves about where my headcanon comes from, but then I got so involved that I figured it deserves its own post. So — where do I get all of this material that appears nowhere in the games, especially for a six-line background character like Caroline?

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Important note that I forgot to add: They’re not married. Or at least, Caroline’s not at the time the portrait was done. Cave might be, but if he is, it isn’t to her — his hands are hidden, but her ring finger is clearly shown, and there’s nothing on it. Like it or not, that’s not a portrait of Mrs. Caroline Johnson. 

Wonderful theories about characters I don’t think about nearly enough. Thank you for the headcanons (and those anon ones a few days ago)!

cypher-d asked: Wheatley (Punishment) does he have a particular body part he likes touched (aside from his penis?) - like head pats or foot rubs kind of stuff?

To be honest, he likes to be touched most places. Not even necessarily in a sexual way, though he doesn’t differentiate between those two modes of touch. Chell has used physical contact to communicate with him from the start, and based on the conclusions he’s drawn from that, being touched by her means something good.

For specifics, he really likes shoulder massages. I think head scratches would go over pretty well with him, too. And he likes to hold hands.

chantillyxlacey asked: Is Chell a music fan? What kind of music would she listen to? How about Wheatley? GLaDOS?

Game headcanons this time:

Chell doesn’t like music. Silence is normal and considerably safer—in silence there is nothing to distract you from the task at hand and nothing to mask the sound of the facility and its many dangers.

What little music she manages to hear during her time at Aperture bothers her immensely. After a brief flash of hope that she’s finally found another living human in the facility, she realizes that it is nothing more than yet another voice with no face to attach it to. She finds music pointless and cruel.

Wheatley doesn’t like music either, though he doesn’t get much of a chance to hear it around the time of the game. Always thought it was stupid, though, why make your voice do all that silly stuff when you could get your point across so much easier by just talking?

GLaDOS appreciates classical and operatic pieces for their complexity and technological difficulty. On occasion, it seems to her, a human can transcend the boundaries of his natural ability to create something mildly interesting.

chantillyxlacey asked: Other than the obvious answer of peaches, what is Wheatley's favorite food? How about Chell's?

Since you mention peaches, I’ll go with Punishment headcanons which by their nature must be hypotheticals at this point:

Wheatley has a massive sweet tooth, so he’d love anything sweet. Salty and savory things I’m sure he’d enjoy too. Except for maybe peaches, he wouldn’t really play favorites, but his first experience with spicy food would be traumatizing enough that he’d lose all of his trust in food and would very carefully taste test every single thing put in front of him before eating it for weeks.

Chell appreciates sweet food, but doesn’t like to eat too much of it. I see her as having a limited threshhold for taste—whatever they used to keep test subjects alive, I’m sure it didn’t have very much flavor, so too much flavor in her food would make her feel sick. She’d like simple things that fill you up, but she wouldn’t play favorites either because she’d just be happy to have anything at all.

I promised to be succinct and it didn’t happen. Extensive blathering about Portal and HB/BPRD follow.

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

Oh man, you picked a tough first one! I always have trouble with this sort of thing. I’m in a fandom because I love its universe, so changing it feels odd.

Alright, this isn’t so much inventing as co-opting someone else’s ideas, but I am irrationally endeared by the concept of a Portal-type universe where the cores are corgis. They’ve been experimented on and made immortal and and implanted with mechanical brains, sure, but… they are corgis. Just straight corgis with some mechanical parts inside. Why? Because science.

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or like imagine dragging him to obedience school and watching as he freaks the fuck out

chantilly-lacey:

cornerof5thandvermouth:

chantilly-lacey:

cornerof5thandvermouth:

chantilly-lacey:

the only trick he is good at is ‘roll over’

hey now

he can stay like a champ

he is better than anyone else at ‘speak’

gotta admit tho fetch is a fukken nightmare

for him maybe

he’s the ball